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Boundaries After a Pathological Relationship, by Adelyn Birch
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This book is small, but mighty. If you were involved in a pathological relationship -- or you want to prevent it from happening in the first place -- this book is for you. It gets to the heart of the matter of personal boundaries. Identifying and setting clear boundaries is vital for survivors and for anyone who wants to become more confident, improve relationships, and prevent victimization. When you create boundaries you take a stand for yourself and your life, and you communicate your worth to others in a real and practical way. This concise and powerful book is filled with practical wisdom and useful tips. It will walk you through the process of creating boundaries from start to finish. You get to decide how you want to live. Find your courage. Live in an authentic way. Protect yourself and what's important to you. Gain self respect and the respect of others. Boundaries will help you do all of these things. "The BEST Manual on how to protect yourself from becoming a victim again - I know the subject too well... I am going to recommend it to the facilitators in the divorce support group I am attending." "This small book was full of tons of useful information. I don't usually write in my books, but my copy of Boundaries has underlining on almost every page. I was really glad I bought it." "Excellent Book for Individual, Group or Use in Therapy. A very well written book by an author who has a firm grip on abusers and their cunning ways. Excellent description on what boundaries are, why they are needed and what they can do for the holder of the newly created list of personal boundaries. This book if studied and put into practice could protect many from the narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths in all areas of one's life. It would lend exceptional protection in the area of dating. It would protect a person from repeating the selection of another abuser if a past relationship was abusive. Highly recommend!" "Super Helpful: Make And Keep Your Boundaries.This is a really well written book. I found her tips for discovering, recording and keeping your personal boundaries extremely helpful." "My eyes have seen the light. How I wish I would have read this book years ago." "Worth your time! Well written, clear, and concise. So thankful I came across this quick, but powerful read. Having separated myself from an 8 year long destructive marriage, and reading many, many books on the topic, I so appreciate the wisdom I found in this writing. I feel empowered once more! Easily rated at 5 stars."
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Product details
Paperback: 66 pages
Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (January 12, 2016)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1523368829
ISBN-13: 978-1523368822
Product Dimensions:
6 x 0.2 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 4.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.4 out of 5 stars
217 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#25,665 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
20 years of marriage with a Psychopath has left my boundaries shreded. He could never admit that my emotions, thoughts or point of view was mine; never give me an "uh huh" when I spoke, much less a "really!" or "cool." He stole (or tired to steal) my words, thoughts, conversations and relationships if he liked them; and invalidated me and them when he didn't. It's been a hard recovery, but books like this have helped a lot.
This will take you a day to read and will change your point of view. I am a person who always looks for the good in others. I stubbornly thought that would give me a magic power. Not true. The world is how it is. People are people. Some weaker than others and as the book said more than willing to take, take and take some more. Develop yourself, your senses and boundaries to filter out the good ones. Read this book!
Liked this short book a lot. I have always had an issue understanding and holding boundaries in my life. I am an Empath I guess, I am sensitive and I try to give people chances. Cluster B personality disordered toxic people do not deserve ANY chances. They will NEVER change. I went in eyes wide open and I still got stuck in the snare. Awful. So now I'm seeking how to ensure this never happens again.
It's like abusers can sense I'll make a good victim and they keep showing up. Up until reading this book i was trying to cling to the idea: if I'm nice to people they'll be nice back. Stopping there will get you used, abused, manipulated, and rejected. Then you're left wondering 'How can this happen to me *again*!? Do I have a sign on my back?' For me, this book is helping me to put a stop to that.Along with validating my experiences and feelings this book also did something I hadn't heard of: make a game so you know how to deal with something when it arises. This is a game-changer for me. Up till now I would just wing-it with people and the same situations keep coming up. This book has clarified things while being a short read. The author refreshingly has chosen to *not* clog the book with useless information just to make the book thicker. I thank her for that!
I highly recommend this book to anyone who has suffered any abuse. I grew up in a family with all the varieties of abuse. I married a covert manipulator, and I chose to leave after 23 years. I'm 5 years on my own, and still learning new things about becoming the real empowered me. This resource is incredibly helpful to assist in healing from abuse. The author's lists of our Rights in Ch. 7, or her list of our Needs and examples of Invalidation in Ch 4. were exact. I found it was an excellent follow-up to read after her other book " 30 Covert Emotional Manipulation Tactics". This book helps define personal boundaries: how we lost them, and how we can begin to develop them and proceed on a path to feeling strong. These boundaries can be used with all kinds of relationships because our behaviours of low self-esteem and low self-worth carry from one relationship to another. It can be an excellent guide to those feeling lost and overwhelmed about how to start healing their sense of brokenness; gain back some self-love; and provide a starting point about what to do to get stronger, and feel empowered and whole again. I also recommend the author's website psychopathsandlove.com for insightful articles.
This book was helpful in helping me understand what healthy boundaries looked like. If I had them and realized the importance of using them, I would have been protected from the Spath that I allowed into my life. But, I also wouldn't have my daughter or be the woman that I am today. Great book on boundaries or "rules" and how to create and enforce them. But most importantly it brings about the understanding that you will never know if a guy cares for you unless you give him boundaries so he can prove to you he does. How will you know he cares? He'll follow your rules.
This was extremely helpful as I was leaving a 7 year abusive relationship. My head was so mixed up, I couldn't understand why dating was so difficult. I was reacting defensively. This taught me how to make my own boundaries and had examples of things I wouldn't have thought of myself. Some of it seems like it should be common sense, but it was like hearing it for the first time. Very empowering.
This book is my bible. A perfect book for anyone and everyone who as been a victim of any type of horrifying relationship with a covert manipulator, narcissist, psychopath, domestic abuser, sexual abuse or any other personal relationship trauma. I have highlighted almost every word in this book. I read it over and over, I put it down for a while and then pick it back up and it is always spot on. A validating book for anyone who is looking to understand what happened and vows never to let it happen again.
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